Bee's Amsterdam, Holland - 2024

Windmills at Zaanse Schans

The holiday season came quickly, and Joel and I found ourselves in awe that another year was drawing to a close, with a new one just around the corner. Yet, as another year passed, Bianca was still not here with us. We still couldn't see her smile, hear her laughter, or feel the warmth of her hugs. We still couldn’t hold her.

Holidays are heavier, harder. Everything feels strange—never complete. Every year, we grapple with how to cope. We want to be happy, to celebrate. And while part of us does, there’s always an empty space, a void—a painful one that will never fade.

On a whim, Joel and I decided we needed to get away again. Maybe part of us hoped we’d find Bianca somewhere else, or perhaps we just needed the distraction. Either way, traveling was one of Bianca’s favorite things, and we chose to honor her in that.

So, off to Amsterdam we went!

It was a whirlwind trip: just two days in Amsterdam and a day and a half in London. On the evening of December 25th, we boarded our flight to Amsterdam. The chilly 35-degree weather greeted us, but the city’s beauty made the cold worth it.

Our first stop was the Rijksmuseum, a dream for Joel, who loves history. He was in his element, surrounded by masterpieces from artists like Rembrandt, Van Gogh, and Vermeer. We stood in awe before iconic works like The Milkmaid and The Night Watch.

We explored the Albert Cuyp Market, treating ourselves to Dutch delights like poffertjes, stroopwafel, and kibbeling. For dinner, we indulged in fine dining at Coulisse, a small restaurant where each dish was a creative masterpiece that kept our taste buds guessing.

On our final day in Amsterdam, we ventured out to the Dutch countryside. Despite the freezing weather, we toured Zaanse Schans, Edam, Volendam, and Marken, marveling at windmills, waterlands, and cheesemakers.

That evening, we experienced Amsterdam’s Light Festival, where the city’s canals were aglow with festive decorations. Before leaving, we dined at Sampurna, a local Indonesian restaurant. Rumor had it that Amsterdam offered the best Indonesian food outside of Indonesia—and it’s true. Every dish was bursting with flavor, the spices perfectly balanced.

And oh, babygirl. I hope you saw and felt it all—the art, the beauty, the lights. I hope you were celebrating and dancing through the holidays as we tried to make sense of it all without you.

Love you more than words can say, my sweet child -- Momma